Snowbound and Irate

let's give finals another try? somehow i don't expect the second round to eat me any less than the last time. and this time there's even a fuckin' great *physics* exam. ugh and ugh.

i also have my fingers crossed about my interview to get into getty next year.

there's some other shit, but it'll wait.

It is but a brief and petty note of lightness that I can bring to this rather dark spring, but on the topic of darkness in otherwise bright times, I learned another Finnish word that I quite love to say: pimennys. It's an eclipse— the synonym is eklipsi but I'm always tempted to pronounce that with Esperanto stress so I was pleased to discover an alternative. It forms beautiful compounds, too: auringonpimennys and kuunpimennys for solar and lunar eclipse respectively. And it derives from a lovely verb, pimentyä, "to darken."

I suppose that I especially like the word because I like to watch eclipses in general, especially of the sun, infrequent though that may be. How ancient and ageless one suddenly feels when watching the whole world go half-lit and the golden disc above now a black chasm in the sky ringed by fire. It is a reminder that our roots have never left us, or more properly we can never leave our roots. And it is a reminder, too, that day shall come again. Day shall always come again.

[OOC- This is of course backdated to the day after all the whatnot in the tunnels]



Almost all the involved parties having departed, I have nothing to say to anyone.





I intend to sleep until I don't have to anymore.

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((Screened to cyber_nautilus))

Jules, right? I'm sorry we haven't talked much since we ran into each other that one time. You with your bathosphere blueprints...

If you don't mind... I have some questions about what happened with you and the others that night. I can't imagine that answering them would be easy for you, but asking them won't be easy for me, either. Perhaps in the spirit of mutual discomfort and pain, we could work some discussion out over coffee or anything else you like. I would sincerely appreciate it. Merci.

I have an extmrely important annoucnentnm

The RAIN, in SPAIN, stays MAINLY ON THE PLAIN.

Am i right???

public service message brought to you by Evil and the Prince of Darknness.

((Private entry))

dr. godwin's observations on the habits of the mullen bird, part the sixth

my affection for and closeness with this creature grows still daily. i can now only remember nights that i spent next to him. his plumage has been plucked and pulled but will return at some later date; this was done in advance for some of the new medicine that will be tried for his condition. it also appears that during this phase of treatment i will be bringing him to my own residence. this will take several months, and i do not expect them to pass with ease.

he is beautiful in his illness, so much so that at times it chills my heart. how does flesh so gloriously harbor its own undoing? how does the secret to life's own perpetuation turn upon itself?

mary, mary, quite contrary, how does a cancer grow?

thus i have a confession to record about the specimen: he is not a bird, but a man.

on this day of april, 2009

While I sometimes am less than flattering about my heritage, there are absolutely some French things that rock, and this would be one of them. Okay, so technically, not French, but lived in France. Still, I like the phrase "Floating University." That sounds like it would be wicked fun.

((Screened to ozcot, tollingforthee, bravenewhuxley, orlyeh, fuschia_drowns))

I have a bit of a problem. I wasn't going to tell anybody about this, but I need some advice. You see, I've told my guardian about Mina. I don't think it's a secret about campus that we're fond of each other, so hopefully that isn't surprising on its own— anyway, I've told him, and he's very less than pleased.

But she has proposed that this summer I see her home in San Francisco, and some other parts of the States, I believe— and then also that we go to England. I am sure that if the relevant parties met her, all would be well, but I'm still quite nervous. I don't know what to do, even though I've said to Mina that we certainly ought to do this.

I have asked Ron if he wants to go, together, to travel about another continent. I feel almost shameless and brazen, even though I know that for many of our generation, going away together for spans of time is normal and not nearly as wicked as it feels. Not that I have any intention on it being at all wicked or any of that! I just would like to see his home. Moreso, I would like to see him looking pleased and happy and if all it takes is a few hour flight across the vast ocean, that is a small thing in comparison.

He accepts me. He may be afraid, or at least unsettled, by what I've told him of my history, but he sees the whole of me when he looks at me and not the parts. I feel that no matter who comes out in his presence, and I have been lucky thus far that his exposure has been extremely limited and was just to Carla who I admit is the least shocking of them in many ways, he will still accept me. For me. For everything and everyone that entails.

I do hope that I am not mistaken in this assessment. It is not an easy thing to hold out a hand of friendship to anyone for me, let alone to hold out my heart.

The stories all speak of fluttering feelings and singing and bells. With Ron, it's nothing similar to that at all. There is no keening, tolling sounds. No fireworks. No spinning in glee. It's a warm, comforting feeling. A sense of belonging. Of safety. Of warmth and comfort and freedom to relax.

I am tired of the masks, of the covering for myself when I slip and allow one of them to appear. I should not feel so ashamed, for they are part of me and it was His will that placed them there. It's my burden to bear and I must make peace with it.

With Ron, there is a sense of peace. But also a nervousness, an anxiety, that underlies everything as if this may be a house of cards and an illusion and the slightest misstep may cause it to crumble.

Is it always this hard?

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((Friends-only entry))

I've been informed that I got the RA position. I must be one of the only students insane enough to actively seek to live in Astor, after everything that's happened. But the truth is that at this point even if I didn't want it, I would feel like I owed it to her.

You see, now, I'm going to get to the bottom of things.

The gift of wine and a tête à tête has helped me feel less like I too died; I've put the last touches on the final painting assignment that she had modeled for, and my hand managed not to shake. Now I have to try and get out in public just for once, besides work or classes. If I can't do that, then I have no idea how I'll survive the funeral service. Apparently something is being arranged back in Brighton Beach, where I never actually had a chance to go, before.

God, Annette.

Read some bloody excellent news. We're taking our forces out of Iraq a month ahead of schedule, or thereabouts. Well, by "we" I mean those willing or unwilling subjects of Her Majesty. I never supported the stupid thing. Even though we lost less lives than the Americans or the actual Iraqi population, by a good lot, it was fucking pointlessness, Lord it was. I'm not as active about it as I should but well, surprise surprise, some of us Plaid Cymru types really do have some dirty stinking Communists amongst us, and I'd happen to be one. (Yeah, fucking shocking I know, surely as the resident drunk I'm too intoxicated to give a shite about politics but I suppose... up yours, mate?) So the whole matter was nauseating and tiresome, watching Labour lose the very last of its balls in the wake of Mr. Bush. I think I'm glad to be in the States for plenty of reasons but one would be that criminey jayze, you all here probably had a heap of trouble to handle on account of the war, but if you want to see a real developing police state, that dream is alive and fucking well back across the water. Oh, fuck, I think I've gotten more tanked than I thought, this doesn't flow right now, doesn't have much point, no how, but maybe you can read... something...