Snowbound and Irate

[Email to Dot]: Fucking Brilliant

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:04:40 GMT

To: Diane <drothschild@meridian.edu>
Fr: Lloyd <bpendennis@meridian.edu>
Subject: Fucking Brilliant

I clearly need to declare my major as making friends and influencing people, because I'm just on a fucking roll these days. Next on my list: track down the Dalai Lama and punch him in the nose, then pee on Mother Teresa's grave.

Yeah, so, before you have to hear it through the grapevine or through anyone else, here's a funny story: I found out Herr Not-In-A-Coma was moving out -- supposedly doctor's orders. Oh, and while he's at it, he's throwing a housewarming-slash-welcome back to the awake party. How'd I find out? Well, the same way the rest of campus found out, public post.

Never mind the fucking fact that I'd told Hemi, when I dropped by and saw him in the hospital, that I'd been collecting for the 'welcome back' party since just after he was in the mother-humping accident.

I...maybe I'm off my emotional rocker. Maybe...well, no maybe here; I should have handled it with a cooler head. But I'm already the third wheel puppet in my parent's emotional BS right now. I don't need my (now former) roommate pulling the same bullshit. They've got the leeway of being my god-damn parents, where he's not even come close to earning the right to treat me like that.

So, yeah. I tracked him down at the Ink Noir, and threw the money in his face, and had it out with him in public. Which ended up with him whining that I was treating him like he'd cheated on me. At which point...well, when the straw's already snapped, I'm not sure how you snap it again, but I did a good job of not cracking open his skull like it was an overripe honeydew. Even after he decided that we weren't "done" with the conversation, went outside ahead of me, and tried to force me to spill my guts about what the "real problem" was. And for bonus points, Lucy was there. Because you really want to lose your shit in front of your RA, right?

So...abuse to my knuckles, when you see me? That was me wailing on the wall so I wouldn't touch dumb shit. And I was wearing gloves, so it's not even that bad, just...fuck. Yeah. And for bonus fun, he came by the dorm room after I ran the hell off and soaked my head in the shower. Just to get him to go the hell away, I told him about my parents. I didn't tell him about us: he's got enough ammo there, far as I'm concerned. Lucy came by this morning, to make sure I wasn't trying to hurt myself -- doing her job, and all that -- and got much the same story, with a few more details about there being stuff I wasn't going to tell Hemi. And hey, at least Lucy was satisfied by my tale of woe, and didn't bust my butt with campus authorities or report me for a psych consult.

And for the record? Aside from the wall-punching, the only self-abuse was to my liver, and even that was relatively mild. Just so you don't have to worry.

And after all that, even after coming by with his half-ass apology that pretty much screamed 'still don't get it, but I should jump through this hoop'...he tried to give me the money back so I could keep planning his party. I politely demurred, let's just say.

So...yeah. New major. Or maybe I should just shut the hell up and stop talking to people altogether, with this track record of late. Any vote on the matter?

Soaking his head in a bucket,
Lloyd

[Private] (Nice Dream)

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 21:46:26 GMT

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck and fuck.

I hate them. I hate this, but I hate them more. Nice bombshell for the holidays. Merry Christmas, we're getting divorced! Oh, and neither of us is planning to come back to the States anytime soon, so as long as the lawyers don't eat all the money you'll get to keep taking care of your sister. Jesus Christ, right now I'm almost glad she doesn't know what's going on, so she doesn't have to deal with this.

All right. Deep breaths. Logically, unemotionally? I love my parents. Both of them. And if they're not happy together, then yes, please, split the hell up. I suppose I should be glad of a few things. For one, they're at least claiming it's amicable. I don't know how much of that to believe, and it's not like I can see them in person right now to judge for myself, but if it's less fighting, less money wasted in court fights, and most importantly no bullshit attempts to use their children as bargaining chips or weapons against each other? I'll go with it as a bonus.

Maybe I should be more grateful that this is happening after I'm no longer a minor. There's no custody of me to cope with, and it's not like either of them is going to fight over Neela. Though I swear, either of them even thinks about getting out of their responsibilities there and I'll break someone's nose.

Here, I was thinking Christmas actually went well. I mean, I got Dot's 'forgive me for the real present taking too much time' present done in time, the trip to Boston was uneventful, Neela looked good, and nothing blew up. I should know better by now than to trust a holiday.

This is the worst part of it all, I think. The ground's knocked out from under me, and there's no one to throw out a line. Hemi may be out of his coma, but he's still not what I'd call a friend I feel like I can lean on. I don't even know why the hell I told him about Neela, except that it distracted from the bigger looming issues. Well, and after watching a guy in a coma for weeks I admit there's a certain level of bonding. Just...not that deep. I try contacting anyone at home, and Little Miss Stalker is going to make her move I'm just sure. And while I've got other people I'm friendly with, other friends, the list of people I know well enough to start unloading this shit on? Not so long.

Side freak-out: I'm really not sure I'm going to have a home after this. They're not planning to come back. Hence, there's no real need for a house in Miami, now is there? If my Spring Break involves having to drive down to there save my stuff, I may cry.

So...groundless. Except for Dot. Except I'm not so oblivious as to not realize she's got serious issues of her own, on the family front, that I haven't won 'full disclosure' on. And I can't blame her, entirely; we've been going out for just a few months, not everyone trusts at the same rate, and...fuck, I'm the poster child for 'trusting too much too early gets you third degree burns and the need for a restraining order'. And let's be honest: I'm afraid if I dump too much at once, I'm going to fall apart, and she's going to run screaming and rightfully so from the basket case.

Maybe it'd be easier if Hemi hadn't gotten his stupid ass in an accident on Thanksgiving and we could have made it to Boston as planned, but hitting her with Neela and divorcing parents and hence my emotional landslide all at once? I couldn't do it when she was out in California, that's for damn sure. That's really just...not a conversation I wanted to have over the phone, for starters. Hell, more than that, I didn't want to ruin her vacation. What the hell could she have done, anyway, but worry or be distracted by my bullshit when three thousand miles away? And now that we're back, there's...I don't know. Timing sucks, there's rehearsal, getting into new classes, and just...bad luck on the actually 'connecting' front. I still have to give her her proper Christmas present, and the last thing I want to do is couple it with a load of my emotional baggage. Can't win either way, can I?

Fuck. I need a drink.

High and Dry

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 09:13:35 GMT

Yeah, I'm know, I'm no chatty Cathy. What can I say? Things have either been boring or busy, with no room in between. Christmas vacation alone in the dorm? Boring. Classes since vacation ended? Busy. Tack on getting cast in the part I was trying out for (insert a little 'woot!' here), a dash of lousy timing, and the roommate waking up out of his coma, and I'm so swamped I've barely seen Dot (who I still owe the second half of her Christmas present. My I'm a lousy boyfriend these days -- note to self, send flowers), much less anyone else. So if you're not Dot, don't think you're special enough to trump her in line in "need to catch up with." If you are Dot, you can sock me in the nose if need be, and otherwise collect your grovelling (and gift) at the time and place of your choosing. I mean, you go cross-country and get a tan line? I should be more appreciative. Of course, after the first half of your Christmas present, you may just be too damn embarrassed to be seen with me in public or private.

Okay, probably too close to TMI. Back to the grindstone, the collective "you" know where to find me if you need me.

[Email to Dot]: FYI

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 15:10:47 GMT

To: Dot <drothschild@meridian.edu>
Fr: Bill <bpendennis@meridian.edu>
Subject: FYI

About to head back to the hospital. Offered to spell Marcie watching over Hemi, and she actually agreed. If you wanted to drop by without an audience, tonight and tomorrow may be the good times. If not, I'll see you when I survive my next final, and you know where I am if you want.

Lloyd

Vote Dot!

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 04:01:23 GMT

Friends, there's an injustice brewing, one that has stood unchallenged for far too long. For too many years, the crown of Belle of the GLBTQ Snow Ball has been usurped by the campus sororities. Not content with the Homecoming Crown, they've stolen this crown year after year like England invading France during the Hundred Years' War.

Folks, the gorgeous, the well-adjusted, the "upper crust" of collegiate life have gone too far, and it's time that the freaks and geeks, the strange and bizarre, stood up and said that enough is enough! Do you want to stand meekly by and let them buy the vote again with a fleet of sorority parties, perfect hair, and bonded teeth? HELL NO! When you look back at this day, years from now on St. Crispin's Day, you want to be able to look your children in the eye with pride and say yes, you took a stand! YES, you stood up and said that the status quo should not win unchecked! You took a chance, you voted for the underdog, and you were proud!

That's why I'm asking you all to do the right thing. Do the strange thing. Do the weird and wacky thing -- and vote for Dot Rothschild for Belle of the Snow Ball.

We've even got icons so you can show your support. So download, post in your own journals, and remember: VOTE DOT!

[Private] I Have Laid in the Darkness of Doubt

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 05:15:00 GMT

Well. I and my relationship seem to have survived Thanksgiving. I wasn't sure that was going to happen when I agreed to this. Hell, given the givens of what happened, I think it went just about as well as could be expected. Even better, in some respects. And now, for that, I'm going to knock on a block of wood big as the Everglades so that doesn't come back and bite me in the ass.

Good stuff; always the better place to start, I think. That way you work your way downhill, follow the flow of gravity, all that. Mr. Dante Hicks said it best: "That's what life is, a series of down endings." We can just be grateful this story includes no muppets, only dogs arguably allowed to express their physical affection for my girlfriend more openly than I was this weekend. But sometimes, you have to accept that she's just your Fay Wray and let the Beast do his dirty work.

Anyway, so...top of the list: no bloodshed at Thanksgiving itself, though it threatened to spill over a couple of times. Shock of shocks, Hemi himself cut it off at least once. Not what I would have expected from the roomie. Maybe he's mellowing in his old age, or maybe he's just not so easily pegged as I thought. As expected, took some grief from a couple of Hemi's siblings. Not so bad that I felt wounded to the quick or any bullshit like that, nor so bad that it even really bothered me at all. I think, I hope, that I acquitted myself admirably, as they say. Even when I gave the broadside opening to have Marci bash Hemi's chosen major -- smooth as silk, that one, but then I was expecting the attacks to come my way. Which, well, they did as well I guess. Best I could tell, at least, the rest of Hemi's family and Dot's side of the table didn't think I ate too much crow for that one. Though personally, I think I need to deduct points for rambling too much about how "sure" I am of the future, even if it is newspapers.

I was this close from quoting Lloyd, just to see if Dot would choke laughing. If anyone had asked the right question, I would have given in.

Oh, yeah: the food. Turkey was great, stuffing was fabulous, and I snuck seconds of the mincemeat pie. I just had to be sure Dot's stepmother didn't see me doing it -- didn't want anyone thinking I was trying to suck up. Overall, the most chaotic Thanksgiving I've ever been to, but disaster? I don't think it even came close to qualifying.

Friday started out on a high note. Too bad it was, at best, a sixteenth note in the whole movement of the day. Took her until poster three before she started to smile, but mission accomplished on Top Secret Project #1. Called the guys at campus copy, they had everything prepped by the time I got back. My sleep schedule for this week is screwed so I can get out there before dawn, but with everything else it's not like sleep was going to happen anyway. Think she liked the mix too, but she didn't get a chance to really listen before it all fell apart.

Put it off long enough, I guess: Bad stuff. Hemi...Hemi, you bastard. Can't even blame you, given they've confirmed your blood tests were clean, can I? Well, I suppose I can blame you for the timing, but random chance or Gods or whatever the fuck you want to blame wait for no man. Maybe I should blame you for somehow making me care as much as I do, but...hell. Hating you for what you did, what you -do- to Dot would be easy. And I was never much one for easy. I've already had to start banking the cash from your 'get better' tin; once you wake the hell up, it's time for one hell of a rager.

So that nixed plans to introduce my girl to my girl, so to speak. Given the givens, it nixed plans for me to go up alone; I'll just have to see Neela after finals instead on my own. I don't need to throw Dot on that particular loop anyway if I can avoid it. There's enough going on, apparently. Hemi was "subtle" as he always is, but it's pretty obvious that something happened recently to Dot's dad -- who, by the way, seems like a pretty good guy, but it's hard to judge. We got to her place just in time to start the cooking, then it was drive over, food, drive back, and disaster time. There wasn't a whole lot of time for deep, meaningful conversation with the man, though I don't think he hates me on sight, which gives me a start. Dot's never mentioned whatever Hemi was hinting at, but what can I say; it's the quiet boys who notice more than you think.

It makes me wonder, sometimes: how much are we simply stepping around because it's not the right time, or because it's too soon and I (at least) don't want to go scaring her off? Like her Dad being sick. Or calling Barbie "Mom", and not going through the public dance of shoving her away when things were actually bad. Or any of the other little subtle things that aren't worth putting into words. It's not like I'm not equally fucked up in my way, not like I'm not talking about the huge and scary truths. I am so disgustingly good at swallowing the worry, and doing my song-and-clownshoe-dance to distract her for a moment, make her smile for an instant or two, in hopes it's making a bit of difference. I hate that I have no way to know if it's doing any good.

You know what I hate most? The tiny part of me that's grateful for Hemi, because he bought me time. Even if I'd decided to jump in the deep end of the pool anyway, now it's all put off. Tiny corner of my brain, better not meet me in a dark alley.

And then you factor in Byron, the best friend that I never got to meet, and it's just the perfect capper to Winter Semester. I'm kinda glad the roommate is dragging her out to the west coast for the holiday. It's going to be me, an empty dorm, and a couple of day trips to Boston. "Merry Christmas One and All" my fat non-white ass.

FYI: Hemingway's Condition

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 06:25:19 GMT

I know some people may have seen the mention in The Horizon, and others may be listening to rumors. Just so everyone officially knows what's up, since a) I was visiting Hemi's family for Thanksgiving, and b) I am the man's roommate: late Thursday, he was in a car accident involving a semi truck. Blood tests were negative for both drivers, so no alcohol or drugs were involved; cause, if any, is still being investigated by the police. The truck driver was bruised but otherwise uninjured, and both drivers were alone in their vehicles.

Hemi, on the other hand, was banged up pretty badly. As of this morning, Hemi is still in a coma following surgery, though they've transferred him from ICU to the coma ward at Bartleby General Hospital in stable condition. Family is around, but anyone wanting to visit should check with the hospital for visiting hours and probably try to stagger things so they're not overwhelmed. Flowers and cards can be sent to the hospital care of Ernest Hemingway and they should get to him just fine. As well, I'm sticking a donation can outside our dorm room; anyone who wants to chip in toward the welcome back party, or just drop off anonymous letters or what have you can do so there, and I'll make sure things get to the family as appropriate.

When there's any news, I'll let people know. Until then, just send the big jerk any spare good vibes.

[OOC: The following is posted up first thing Monday morning after Thanksgiving; anyone who ends up dropping anything in the can, just let me know.]

[Letter to Neela #1]

Mon, 25 May 2009 20:38:28 GMT

Dear Brat,

Before you even get started -- I know, I'm a pathetic excuse for an older brother, not fit to walk in your shadow, I should have come back this cycle as a slug only that's disgusting and you'd never deign to be related to a slug, et cetera, et cetera. I should have written months ago, and I know it, and I'm sorry. I was expecting to take a few weeks to get my bearings -- feel the ground under me, so to speak? Only I'm starting to think that the ground never settles in college, and you're constantly having to move at a slow jog, at the very least, if you don't want to get swept up and bowled over. Or maybe it's this college in particular; hard to be sure, without any point of comparison. I just know this isn't what the brochure and "Revenge of the Nerds" movies said it would be.

I haven't decided yet if it's better or worse, though.

Okay, enough groveling. Obviously, I survived the train trip after dropping our no-good parents off at the airport. (Aside: remind me to talk about the care package later.) So far, I have not: been beaten up by any jocks, flashed by any sorority girls, subjected to terrifying hazing rituals, helped to get anyone killed via alcohol poisoning, stolen any team mascots, nor played any wacky pranks on faculty or staff. Disappointing, isn't it? I've also, knock on wood, not been subjected to any surprise "visits" from (read: been forced to obtain a second restraining order against) Miss V. Yeah, I'm not disappointed by that bit either. If I'm lucky, she's ended up throwing herself after some pretty-boy jock at Stanford and she's forgotten all about me. Or forgotten enough that she's not gonna come trying to win me back. One point for college!

Point two for college: classes don't suck. Nothing's really super-challenging yet, but I can see what some other people are doing and see where it'll go. Certainly it's not a perfect world of getting to pick everything you want to learn about and getting to ignore the rest, willy-nilly, and I'm sure I'll run into some truly sucktastic professors sooner than later -- the odds are just against me. But compared to the grinding gears of high school, this is practically the worker's utopia, and it didn't even require bloody revolution in the middle of a Russian winter to achieve. And before you ask, I've still no idea at all what I want to do with myself in the long term, and I'm quite content with that. Why the hell do I have to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life -now-? The way the world's changing, the way careers are going, it's not like it's going to be a single job I take that leads to a single narrow career that'll be what I do from now until they decide I'm old enough to retire. It's not a lack of commitment over here, despite what mom and dad think. It's...pragmatic. There's just too many things I want to do to shove myself into a neatly labeled box this early.

Point three: things are definitely not boring around here, I'll give it that. Hell, that's not even factoring in the crazy whirl that was the election and all the on-campus campaign stuff that was going on. Yeah, even I got sucked in...more on why later. Besides that, I've been busy embarrassing our poor father without his knowledge by joining the "Meridian Monkey Troupe" -- yes, that does indeed I'm singing. In public. No, it's not really the drama club, it's more...semi-impromptu guerrilla musical theatre. You know, like a tiny flash mob who can stay on key. Not that I've done much but be a Brechtian pimp for someone's audition piece, but there are plans afoot. I think. That, or I'll just hijack someone in a whale costume at some point and truly make an ass of myself. However it goes, it's been fun so far, and it's likely to stay that way.

Oh, and you'll love this one: apparently, campus is haunted! Namely, one of the dorms I'm not on is supposed to have ghosts. So far, I've just noticed people playing with the lights and singing bad folk songs on Halloween, myself. Far from what I'd call a visit from the other side, huh? A whole little group supposedly got together for a seance or a ghostbusting expedition or -something-, and supposedly some creepy stuff happened. No one I know real well was involved, so details are are as hazy as a magic 8-ball, but it definitely keeps the 'interesting' quotient up around here.

Let's see, what else in the 'broad overview' category...hrm. Food: not as terrible as high school cafeteria, but definitely not what I'd classify as haute cuisine. Accommodations: on the small side, with interesting company (getting to that too), but acceptable. Climate: Terrible. Really, only the Puritans could have landed on this miserable corner of the continent and decided that they should stay rather than, say, sailing further south in search of someplace that might actually be /pleasant/ to live in. I understand the urge to self-flagellate for your supposed sins as much as the next guy, but did they really have to inflict this cold on their sons and daughters, lo, down to seven times seven generations? And we're not even officially into Winter yet. I swear, come February, they're gonna be chipping bits off of me to make drinks because I'm going to be a giant icicle. I should check my Dante, and see exactly which level of Hell this is. At least if I knew, I could get in my sinning now.

Oh yes, speaking of sinning...calm down, I can already picture you covering your eyes and shouting "TMI!" I'm not going to share THAT much detail. But yes: there's a new girl. I think you might actually like this one, she's got a wicked knack for cutting me down to size when I need it. If you believe it, we actually met when I was out hunting for proper attire for the damn weather around here. She was also one of the big Obama campaigners on campus, which is how I got pulled into spending so much of my first two months here pretending to be a political animal. Since they didn't throw me out of the zoo, apparently I pretended just well enough.

To answer the questions before you even ask them: Her name's Dot (short for Dorothy), she's a semi-local girl, she's sharp as a knife, smart, fun, excellent taste in music, and a dervish on roller skates. First official date: Bands for Obama concert, with some truly awesome special guest bands. One 'psycho' ex of her own, but he's a special case. I really do think you'd like her, and not just for the tendency to poke holes in my so-suave act. I know -I- like her, which I assure you still is the important part whatever mom and dad may want to say about it.

And before you go thinking I'm blinded with lust: no, I don't think she's perfect. No one's perfect, after all. Funny story: the 'psycho' ex...turns out to be my roommate. Yeah, no one told me I was starting my own sitcom when I went away to college, either. Neither of us had a damn clue when we arranged that first date, and it nearly went...bad. I put psycho in quotes because he's not, but...well. He's not a bad guy, especially if you avoid the buttons, but the buttons are...let's just say he doesn't have issues so much as subscriptions, to steal a tired joke? But then, hell, who doesn't. And the two of them were apparently together for a -long- time. Like, I get the feeling she was the girl next door when he was growing up.

So there's drama, clearly. But so far there's been no attempts to break my nose, and he's even mostly backed off efforts to snidely and subtly badmouth her around me. Which I appreciate, since otherwise my nose would definitely be broken when I called him on it. Hell, the two of them are genuinely trying to be friends -- or at least, she's trying to be a friend for him. Yes, I can already see you looking skeptical, and no, I don't think this is code for her still being interested in him 'that way' and making her moves on the side while she keeps me strung along. I think the guy genuinely needs all the friends he can get, and that she knows him well enough to pull it off without letting him distract her with bullshit. You know someone that long, I can utterly understand there being feelings, and some sort of awkward friendship thing when your families are friends has to be better than spitty hate and constant drama, right?

Oh. Yeah, heh, funny story: guess who's voluntarily attending the most fucked-up Thanksgiving ever? Yeah, that'd be me! So, the roommate -- Hemi, by the way (and yes, it's a nickname) -- invited me up to his shindig when he found out our lousy parents are still going to be out of the country. Sweet, but we haven't exactly done a huge lot of bonding, to be honest (with the hot girlfriend in the way and all). So I put myself down as a maybe, and then chatted with Dot about the holiday next time I saw her. Not thinking I was going to get an invite -- I'm not that mercenary -- but I figure, we're in college, we're dating, I should at least CHECK to see what her plans are. Seems that, in the meantime, family plans had been worked out...and Dot's Thanksgiving is Hemi's Thanksgiving. It's one big turkey eating it's own tail. I'm expecting awkward silences, a lot of family on both sides giving me grief for being the terrible foreign usurper, and hopefully some good food. I'm also a little worried about Dot, but...fuck.

Okay, side note: I don't know if I should be worried about Dot or not. Okay, I know I should be for drama in general, but either I've picked up the clumsiest girlfriend I've ever had -- which seems unlikely, 'cause she's damn graceful on those skates -- or...or I'm dancing around causing an after-school special. If I'm even right, I don't know if she's even noticed I've noticed, or how to start talking about it, or if I should? It's...yeah. Heh. Sometimes, when I'm briefly delusional, I think I could bring it up with Hemi. And then I get a clue and remember that's probably a terrible damn idea and shove it back in the box.

Anyway, on that distressing and worrisome note, I should wrap this up and head out. Thanks to DramaFest 2008, I'm not sure exactly what my schedule is like since it's kinda out of my hands unexpectedly. If I -can-, I'll swing by to visit this weekend. If not, I promise, I'll see you next. Either way, make them feed you some turkey this weekend, and know that I love you as always, brat. I'll share the rest of the freaky gossip when I see you in person.

Hugs and smoochy big brother kisses,
Bill

PS: I burned you another mix. This one's just stuff that's percolated to the top of my play lists of late. I expect you to read NOTHING into the scattering of super-sappy romantic drivel, and simply enjoy the music.

[OOC: Mix Tape! Sent with said letter is a CD with the following playlist burned on it:

1. Voxtrot, "The Start of Something"
2. Common Rotation, "Don't Let's Start"
3. Jukebox the Ghost, "Under My Skin"
4. The Watson Twins, "Just Like Heaven"
5. Tunng, "Bullets"
6. Barenaked Ladies, "Call and Answer"
7. Marching Band, "For Your Love"
8. Travis, "Love Will Come Through"
9. Her Space Holiday, "I'll Believe in Anything"
10. Mazes, "I Have Laid in the Darkness of Doubt"
11. The Silver Seas, "Imaginary Girl"
12. Bon Iver, "Skinny Love"
13. Marching Band, "Gorgeous Behavior"
14. Feist and Ben Gibbard, "Train Song"
15. Snow Patrol, "Lifeboats"

It's available here as a zip; if someone just wants one or two songs, give a shout and I can upload those separately.]

OOC: Application

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 04:50:52 GMT

OOC Information

Player's Name/Preferred Nickname: Chris

Age: 34

Time Zone: Pacific

Preferred Contact Method: Email - porpentine@gmail.com; AIM: bpendennis

Prior RP Experience: Two and a half decades. Fear.

Are you a returning Negability player? Yep!

Vital Statistics

Name: William Makepeace Pendennis, much more commonly known as Bill.

Gender: Male

Previous Incarnation: William Makepeace Thackeray

Journal Name: b_pendennis

Character Age and Birth Date: July 18, 1990

Played By: Kal Penn

Year in School: First

Major/Minor Course of Study: Undeclared.

Residence: Bartos Hall, sharing a room with Hemingway.

Occupation: Probably looking to get a gig doing political cartoons for one of the papers on campus.

Extracurriculars: Planning to run a D&D game after settling into campus life. Also more devious plans which will come to fruition after meeting the right people...

Fraternity/Sorority/Student Affairs House affiliation: None.

Significant Other/Important Relationships: Bill's most significant relationship is with his younger sister, Neela. He also left behind one ex-girlfriend-slash-stalker in Miami. See background below for details.

Major Details: Born and raised in Miami, Bill is ill-prepared for the cold and already bitter about Winter coming. Back home, he was what one could politely call a serial monogamist; bluntly, he's an absolute manwhore. He's no interest in cheating at all, but he's a terrible flirt who tends to salve the end of one relationship by jumping into the next. It's not that Bill -wants- to leave a string of girlfriends behind him, but on the surface of things he seems to never take anything seriously. Really, those who take themselves too seriously are his favorite target for skewering, be it with sharpened wit or simple practical jokes. Having fun, often with a mojito in hand, is one of his favorite ways to spend time. But a lot of it is all a cover for how deeply he cares about his sister, and how truly upset at the universe he is for doing that to Neela. However, the last thing he wants to do is be one of those emo bastards whining about how things aren't fair, or so lost in his own morose little world that he wants to chant "down not across" until he's blue in the face. So the constant stream of social commentary, wild schemes, and the antics that bounce from one focus to the next are all his way of fighting back against the tide the only way he knows how. For all he comes across as being as deep as a wading pool, he would move heaven and earth for anyone he's decided matters, whether they know they're on the list or not.

Character Information

Appearance: Bill stands at an average height, just a couple inches under six feet. He dresses like he belongs on the set of /Dexter/, but only as an extra: jeans, tee shirts, thin overshirts. He's got a perpetual easy smile, short dark hair, and may very well be able to charm a cobra when he whistles.

Personality: On the surface, Bill is all about good times: having fun, enjoying music, good drinks, and above all making people laugh. If he can poke holes in the egos of the self-righteous while he's at it, the joke is even better. He's also a terrible flirt; at the end of the day, Bill simply loves -women-. He'd never cheat while he was in a relationship, or even consider it, but he spends as little time as possible single. Beyond all this, Bill is simply shameless. If it seems like it might be fun, he'll do it with no hesitation. He tries his damnedest never to do anything that he'd be ashamed to admit to -- those are the people who drive him up the wall the most, who hide from themselves.

Backstory: Born and raised in Miami, most of Bill's life has revolved in one way or another around his sister. Two years younger than he is, they had a relationship typical of most siblings: pulling her pigtails one minute, sharing his toys with her the next. All that started to change when he was six, and Neela started having what their parents simply called "episodes." All the tests they could afford, all the doctors they could see, and no one ever could adequately explain why Neela would have periods of simply being...not there, like absence seizures but without any of the usual neurological signs.

Thus was born the Bill we all know and love today. Seeing his sister scared, he did everything he could to distract her from what was happening. It didn't matter how crazy, everything was all right if she laughed. And the last thing he wanted to do was make her, or their parents, worry about him, so he did his best to hide his own worries. At first, the episodes didn't even happen often, and the family could almost forget...until the next one happened, and the next. But by the time she was twelve she was gone more often than she was there. Needing constant watch in case she "went away" in the middle of something that could hurt her, the family broke down and had her put in the best private facility they and their insurance could afford.

All during high school, Bill did his best not to bring up his sister at all -- but at least once a month, and on every holiday, he'd take trips up to see her. By senior year, he was taking those trips on his own. He couldn't blame his parents, entirely; how do you deal with having a daughter who's alive but simply not there? She wasn't even on life support so they could pull the plug. But in the end, part of his decision to go to Meridian was so that he'd be closer to the facility where Neela was. The fact that it also let his parents get away for the first time in over a decade was simply icing on the cake. The day he got on the train for college, he started off by driving them to the airport to take a three month trip to Europe. Bill himself would deny being a martyr; he genuinely loves his sister, and being close enough that he can afford to be there for her more often is something he really -wants-. But there is a quiet voice in the back of his head that's bitter about the fact that he's letting his parents off the hook. He knows, logically, that it's a miracle they're still together given the statistics connecting divorce and the lost of a child, but part of it still feels like abandonment -- and he's not happy that he's helping to facilitate it.

In the end, though, college marks a new start all the way across the board. Home is two thousand miles away at best, he has no parents to run back to immediately if things go bad, and he's even got a bit of respite from his own past mistakes. The only thing to do is see what the next day brings.

Skills, Talents, and Likes: Bill is fairly functional as a classically trained artist -- portraits, basic sketches, the like -- but he excels at cartooning and parody. He's also not half-bad as a singer, though he's never had training. Coupled with his complete lack of shame or hesitation to make a fool of himself, he'd be completely content on a stage in front of an audience. Someone would have to suggest theatre to him, though, as he's little drive to seek the center of attention.

Flaws, Drawbacks, and Dislikes: Bill's outward demeanor often gets him labeled as a flake at best, a clown and a show-off at worse. Since he tries not to make a production out of the things he takes seriously, he's often marked down as someone who can't take -anything- serious. His sister's condition sometimes hits him in strange ways, leaving him distracted or upset at little things he won't talk about. His reticence to discuss her at all, and thus bring someone else "down", has sometimes gotten him accused of lying, or hiding other things. More than once, he's been dumped because the girl in question was sure he was seeing someone else; the fact that he would inevitably be with someone else a week later simply "confirmed" this, whatever the truth really was.

Journal-Entry RP Sample: Sample Here

The Last Train to Clarkesville

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 04:09:14 GMT

I thought this was a brilliant idea when I planned it: take the parents to the airport, take myself to the train station, take the scenic route up to college. Stare out the window at the Atlantic coast, maybe do some writing, catch up on some reading...watch the terrain change and view it all as some meditative, contemplative 'my life is changing' sort of journey.

I'm sure Kali, Krishna and the Buddha are all snickering at me behind their hands now.

I'm not going to bitch about the screaming kids, the world's smallest sleeping room, or the way that the crap infrastructure in this country means that this whole mechanized monster rocks at just the right frequency to keep me from sleeping at night. I know, I can already hear my nonexistent readers asking: "But Bill, it's a blog! Aren't they meant to be filled with too-personal whinging about the state of the world as if you were the center of it?" And I agree, dearest reader...except if I've learned anything in this wild, wacky world of ours, it's this: complain where someone can hear you, and it'll always get worse.

So instead, I shall immortalize this rite of passage as...quaint? And trying, but all trials have to be that way or they wouldn't be doing their jobs. Besides, the food in the dining car isn't half bad, and teaching kids to play poker in the observation car has got to be one of the better ways to pass the time while you're stuck for two hours waiting for them to clear the remains of an alligator off the line. The nights are even sort of peaceful, watching the stars stand still as the world rushes past underneath them. Watching the lights of cities come and go, a glow on the horizon that's soon enough left in the wake of this iron snail leaving its mark across the surface of the world. And every city is another marker, another stepping stop taking me away from everything I grew up with, and everything I would just as gladly leave behind.

Oh, there it is. I knew the emo maudlin mess would have to come out eventually. Time to look ahead, to New England. If nothing else, I have to look at it this way: come Spring Break, I will be the guy to come to for planning a little fun in the sun. Besides, snow bunnies need to be warmed up too, right?

OOC: The Dividing Line

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 03:18:31 GMT

All entries after this one are for the literepetition RPG.

All entries before this one were for the negability RPG.

D&D: Setting Info

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 21:59:42 GMT

I know this has been long in coming, but I've been putting it off...well, honestly, I've been putting off a lot of things for reasons I won't get into here, with pretty much nothing to do with game. I want to fix this, still, if people still want to play (And I think, at least as of last post on the subject, people still did, even if we were a bit all over the board). So here's me, making a concrete stab in this direction. Next weekend, rain or shine, hell or high water? First session.

First: logistical notes. I'm using my own setting, and not using any of the pre-generated settings, because I just haven't had time to read them with enough depth to feel like I could pull them off. However, Doc? I think we can work with the psionic stuff if you really want it, and you give me a little patience while we deal with it. If there's something specific from some supplement book that you're just dying to use? Come talk to me this weekend, and I'll see if I can work that in in specific without throwing things off. Since it's not going to be a hugely long campaign, simply given logistics, I think we can probably find some middle ground here so we're all happy.

Now, onto setting...

Sontor's Ford

Sontor's Ford is a large town in northern Alendia, found at the crossing of the Great North Highway and the River Barash. Because of its location at the intersection of two major trade routes, the town is of significant commerical significance to the kingdom of Alendia. It is, however, remote enough that it has little value as a military target, so it has remained a relatively peaceful place since its founding some three hundred years ago.

History

As the name suggests, Sontor's Ford was originally settled at a natural ford of the River Barash, in the foothills of the Cragspine Mountains. The ground is especially fertile here thanks to the volcanic activity that originally created the Cragspines, though it's been millenia since there was any significant geothermic activity in the region. Nestled in the river valley, the area was ideal for growing crops, and building materials were close at hand thanks to the mountains and the Westren Forest that grows in the shadow of the Cragspines.

Sontor was the owner of the first, and largest farm in the valley. He'd been a solitary farmer at first, but his nose for business quickly let him expand to a full farmstead, housing up to two dozen farmhands and their families at its height. With the Westren Forest nearby, it was little surprise when two brothers set up lumber operations within a day's journey of the ford. When iron deposits were found some two hundred and fifty years ago, the establishment of a town here at the ford was simply a matter of time.

Eventually, when trade relations were established with the Empire of Ikan, merchants looked for the best route to reach the fabled sands of the Empire. This led to the discovery of Sontor Pass, named for the town. while treacherous and often closed to snow in the winters, the pass over the Cragspine still remains the safest and fastest route to reach Ikan from Alendia, bypassing the need to sail around the Dragon's Teeth -- treacherous shoals where the Cragspine run down into the Azure Ocean. Eventually, the road over the pass was paved, trade hostels were established at regular intervals, and the ford that originally gave the town its name was dredged out and replaced with a wide drawbridge. This both allowed caravans to pass easily through the town, and for ships to pass further up along the River Baresh without the need to haul them overland to get around the ford. It was only a matter of time until the village grew into a town. Only the relative remoteness of Sontor's Ford has kept it from becoming one of the premiere cities in the kingdom.

Trade

As should be obvious, trade plays an important part in life in Sontor's Ford. Rare wood from the Westren Forest, iron from the Magrad Mines, even vegetables from the nearby farms are all shipped out. Merchants carrying items north to Ikan inevitably travel through Sontor's Ford, and often contract with ships to quicken their return journeys.

As a result, Sontor's Ford sees more rare and usual items for sale than most other towns its size. It also sees more than its usual share of visitors from far and wide. This exposure makes the natives of the Ford much more cosmopolitan, and generally more accepting of the strange and unusual. After all, at one time or another, every race imaginable has visited Sontor's Ford. There's very much a sense of "we've seen it all" from the Town Elders.

Local Landmarks

* Tower of Azora: One hundred and fifty years ago, the sorceress Azora arrived in Sontor's Ford and offered her services to the town council. Magic is still magic, so they were wary about it at first, but eventually accepted and let her settle. Six months later, when an accident threatened to consume the warehouses along the River Baresh entirely, Azora summoned elementals of water to help contain the fire. After tht point, no one grumbled about the wizard who settled outside of town. Within a year, she'd constructed her tower with the aid of more summoned elementals. Since that time, there has always been a town wizard to look out for Sontor's Ford, who has claimed the tower as their own. This tradition began with Azora's third apprentice, and continues to this day. The town wizard will typically take one apprentice at a time, who may or may not decide to stay in town. Those who leave occasionally return as well to take up the mantle of Wizard of Azora's Tower when their mentors pass on. So far, while most wizards taught in Sontor's Ford have sought their fortunes elsewhere, this chain of master to apprentice remains unbroken.

* Westren Forest: Nestled against the Cragspine Mountains is the Westren Forest. The wood is full of old growth, carefully harvested under the supervision of elves to make sure that the health of the forest and the long-term viability of operations are both preserved. Rare trees in the heart of the forest are the primary interest of these harvests, rather than simple building material. These woods are used by both artisans and wizards, and command a high price. The woods themselves are relatively safe for those who have even basic training in surviving in the outdoors; it's been fifty years since there was even a significant bandit problem in the woods along the Great North Highway.

* Magrad Mines: Named for Magrad Coalbeard, a dwarf from the far east, these mines are still one of the greatest repositories of iron in the Alendia. As such, the kingdom pays a high price to make sure they remain protected, as do the mining concerns who run the mines. At this point, centuries of mining have left the hills under the Cragspine littered with abandoned tunnels. There are two primary shafts being mined today, one of which occasionally turns up small gems and offshoot veins of much rarer metals, though not in any quantity like the primary iron vein that the mine makes its living from.

* Caer Pallis: Established originally as a fort to protect the mines and the trade routes passing through Sontor's Ford, Caer Pallis has since grown into a full-blown stone keep. Currently held by Baron Alexas Rivendare, the Caer is responsible for protecting the Great North Highway and the area around the Ford from threats both to trade and to the kingdom itself. Alexas is a grave man, a widower who lost his wife at a young age. Having never remarried, and with no sons, he treats the soldiers and knights under his banner as if they were family. Slow to smile but quick to affection, he hopes one day to find someone worthy enough to adopt as his heir, though he never speaks of such.

* The Temple at Dun Rozen: Originally the site of a small shrine to Ceartas, the hilltop has grown along with Sontor's Ford into one of the largest temples of the god of justice and love. It's said that ages ago, Ceartas smote the hilltop with his hammer, causing roses to grow up from the cracks left in the earth. These roses, however, were like none seen anywhere else in the world. Though many have tried to transplant cuttings elsewhere, Dun Rozen remains the only place in the world where the Blue Roses of Ceartas will grow. The temple is also the center of the church's knightly training outside the Grand Cathedral. Thankfully, the paladins of Dun Rozen get along fairly well with the knights at Caer Pallis; in fact, every summer, they hold tournament competitions as part of the yearly fair in Sontor's Ford, often drawing in hundreds of visitors just for the jousting and other martial competitions.

* Ironhilt Inn: The largest rest stop for travelers in Sontor's Ford, the Ironhilt Inn is busy all year round. Opened a century ago and rebuilt on the same spot twice when damaged by fire and flood, the inn plays host to merchants, mercenaries, and travelers from around the world. The dining room has also seen some of the finest musicians in the world play in the evenings as they passed through the Ford on their way to other locales. It's never a dull night in the taproom at the Ironhilt.

---

And that's where we're starting. If people have questions, comments, or concerns, please hit me up now. If you want to help flesh out where your character fits in all this? Also let me know.

Brief FYI

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 19:38:57 GMT

1. Due to technical and personal issues, D&D is delayed another week. Everyone please ignore question 4, as no one seems to understand what the fuck I was asking for anyway. Please, everyone else, actually respond.

2. Game world info will go up this weekend at some point. As soon as I can make things connect.

3. Byron, they're distributed. Delivery of items to the address you gave me should be happening tomorrow afternoon. I'll be coming with them, if you want to meet us there so we can set up. I may not stay for the actual event, depending on other factors.

4. Happy fucking Valentine's Day.

D&D: Survey Time

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 23:03:28 GMT

Okay, folks. I know it's been ages since I brought this up, but despite asking everyone to come talk to me, I've heard from nearly nobody (Dot, Beatrix, you're excused on this front.) I've been buried in stuff so not really pushing, and I know a lot of other people have been as well, but I do still want to play. In fact, I'd like to start this Sunday unless there's a huge outcry from the audience.

However, if we're gonna play? I need you people to talk to me. If you've lost interest, that's fine -- I know we had at least two people who wanted to play who didn't quite mesh or who came in late, so we can rotate in if they're at all still interested. But...well. Let's just go in order, and we'll go from there:

1. Do you still want to play?
2. What did you decide to play (Race, class, specialities. In case I wasn't clear before, we're starting at first level.)
3. What's your character's name?
4. Who is your character? I'm looking for a paragraph or two summary here, mostly what the other players would know. Are they local? Do they have family? Have they already committed heroic (or not-so-heroic) exploits that would make them known to people? If you've got secrets and the like, that's great -- tell me privately.
5. What kind of story do you want to tell here? What kind of game do you like to play? High adventure? Lots of political scheming? Just want the loot, don't care about moral questions?

#5 is perhaps the most important, and the one I've only gotten answers out of our two lovely ladies for. We've got a short amount of time, really, in which to run this, and I want to make sure it's a game that everyone's happy with -- with the caveat that I do realize you can't make everyone happy all the time.

To help with #4, I'm going to be posting my little 'welcome to our starting town' notes later tonight. Hopefully that'll flesh out any questions people had about our setting, if they weren't answered in our start-up meeting. If you've got something you'd definitely like to see included in the area (terrain, political situations, roaming tinkers, ANYTHING) -- please, let me know as soon as possible, and if it fits, I'll see if I can encorporate it into the whole.

I obviously don't expect posts from people before my next post, but I'd like replies by Friday, or at least a note that you can't get anything up by then, and some idea of when you will be able to get me stuff.

Letter: To Edna St. Vincent Millay, Miami, FL

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 05:15:43 GMT

Dear Vinny,

I hope the rest of your winter vacation went well after you left cold-ass Icaria. Please, mark your calendar when I say this: I'm glad you came up. Things have been weird still -- hell, I'm not sure you yet believe how weird they've been. And they've certainly not gotten any less fucked-up. Oh, no possession or ghosts visiting since the last time, but I'm not sure I need that kind of mess to make it this bad. But...

Well. Let me just put it this way. As much as I freaked out at you showing up, and hemmed and hawwed, and was generally a complete mess? Seeing you helped straighten my head out a bit, even if it took a couple of weeks afterward to really do it. And it was good to see you.

And yes, the sex was bloody hot. As always. Sigh.

Anyway. Remember when I said they've been fucked up since? Yeah. I seem to have developed a twitch where I would say the single worst thing possible in a conversation, while thinking I was being funny. Or trying to lighten the mood. Or...well. You get the idea. Frankly, I'm surprised anyone wants to talk to me at all, but I seem to have pulled myself out of it. At least a bit. The bloody nose helped.

Just as an aside: if I get arrested, will you come bail me out? I may need it this semester. There are...plans. I'm tired of the people I care about being screwed over. I'm tired of them fucking with me. Maybe we're all wrong, and it's not the school staff...but if that's the case, I have even less of an idea what to do than I do now. So I'm running with this.

Yes. I know that was cryptic. It's called plausible deniability. Learn to love it.

Anyway. In news that is neither related to cryptic remarks or a sign of my impending insanity...or perhaps it is? I...have friends who would like to meet you. If you want to consider yourself invited back to visit for spring break, I think I can manage not to hide under rocks the whole time you're here. That is, of course, if you want to

(Yes, that also means I'm contemplating letting you meet them. Don't look too surprised.)

I hope your conquests have been swift and absolute, and that Miami is not too boring without me to torment.

In Exile,
William

D&D Update

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 19:50:55 GMT

Hi again folks! First: Thank you for everyone who showed up last weekend for character creation. I know it was a little chaotic, but I think we're pulling together. To that end? We're not quite starting game this weekend. Instead, I'd like everyone to tag me sometime either this weekend or over the next week. When you do, have your character sheet done (btw: 1st level, if I didn't mention that before) and some ideas about background -- where your character came from, where he got to where he is, family if there is any, whatever. I'd like to talk to everyone one-on-one, get some solid ideas about who they're wanting to play and maybe even more importantly, what they want to be playing, what sort of game they're looking for.

PS: Dot? I've brought cocoa by twice and missed you both times. I don't know when you're going, but if you're gone...tell me when you're back? I tried :(

Brief Update

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 18:02:34 GMT

The damn power isn't staying on long enough for me to get a proper entry written. I keep trying, it keeps dying. I'm writing it on paper for now; when things get more stable, I'll try transcribing it. Or I'll see if I can type like the wind during the next flash of light and warmth.

However, in brief:
* Not a Tropical Popsicle
* Not shaving
* Rethinking Lent for Thought-Out Reasons
* Worried
* Regretful
* Pleased with D&D
* Considering setting up a camera outside Byron's open door

More on most of these, if not all, when weather permits. I bless the world for hot chocolate; I manage to get heat in bursts enough to keep making more. People are welcome to drop by to share.

The Dietary Habits of Grues, or Embracing the Inner Geek

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 20:28:39 GMT

It's a new semester. Spring isn't here yet; we're still in the depths of Winter, the days only just now starting to creep longer and longer as the sun comes back to the world. Not fast enough at all, in my opinion, but at least it's a trend I can embrace. Everything still in hibernation, stuck in this frozen holding pattern, but you can at least pretend that if you squint? You can see the shoots about to force their way up through the snow, questing for the light.

All this light and growth needs to stop right now, though, because for some reason I've a pounding headache while I try to get through syllabi and finding the right classrooms and all the rest. And for those who've seen my little shrine to the source of my headache? I'm leaving it up. As a warning, if nothing else; it'll remind me not to post in that sort of state. If I listen to myself, which I probably won't.

Speaking of other alternatives to a social life, since I've fucked that one up royally? Consider this my formal announcement: I'm going to start running a D&D game, if we've got enough interested people. I'd like to note that this is my first time playing, but I'm ready to jump in with both feet, so...be kind to me, if you're interested? I'm thinking of a once-a-week schedule, sometime on the weekend, with the first pass this weekend to get together, talk about what I have in mind, and get characters started. If you're interested, either drop me a note in this post or catch me and let me know?

Last but not least: Annie? I found my phone. It looks like I called you in the middle of...well, sometime after that post, but before I passed out. I don't remember at all what we talked about, but I have a feeling I need to apologize. A lot. Will understand if you don't want to talk to me again.

Looks like time is up; back to the grind of the rest of the day.

Third Verse, same as...oh, forget it

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 05:54:24 GMT

Brief aside, as I finish stringing up the lights and waiting to see if anyone's going to drop by: thank you to Annie. It may not have seemed like it did a lot at the time, but your soup? Totally the bomb, as they say. Yo, and all...that.

Seriously? Thank you for caring about someone you hardly know, for a day. I owe you dinner sometime, if you'll let me spring for it.

Second Verse Same as the First, or The End

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 18:50:56 GMT

First, a disclaimer about the last: I'm not diving out a third story window, or planning on finding a convenient rafter to hang myself by my belt from, or going to shove ice down the back of Dot's shirt, or any of the dozens of other methods of suicide I can conceive of. So stop fretting about the title, and let me write this in the right order.

I've been simply thinking for days, ever since Vinny left. For those who didn't know, my ex-girlfriend came to visit for Christmas. Actually, she came to scope out Icaria, and tormenting me was just a handy side benefit. Seems The Powers That Be have their long fingers and watchful eyes on her as well, and sent her the usual lure of a scholarship. I'm not sure she could have picked worse timing for when to actually find me, or a worse convocation of circumstances to get tangled up in the middle...

Actually, scratch that. I've a wild enough imagination that I can picture it, and with my luck, it'll come to pass when she decides to drop in again now that she's pinpointed me on her radar. Let's pray that never happens.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Thinking. Vinny was here in a whirlwind -- found me staggering between a blow to the nose and an apology on Christmas, Lunch onward on Boxing Day, and then gone before I'd even woken up the day after. I imagine there's a section of the audience laughing their asses off now. After all, that's two girls lost inside a month, and one of them was stalking me. I must be some catch, huh?

Except the second left a letter, at least, along with some cold clarity that I've spent the last few days processing. Which is why Miss Scarlett, the Round Table, and Lust are now carefully pinned up over my desk, as a reminder. (Thanks, guys, again.) Vinny's letter is pinned up as well, closed so the lipstick shows, just beneath them.

Because I've been loved. Screwed up, messed up, mixed up mess, but still love...and from what I've seen, I'm not sure love is ever anything but. And I nearly loved, was starting to love, a girl who didn't love me back. Or maybe she was afraid to love me back, afraid to even consider the possibility. It amounts to the same thing now, as there's no chance to break down the walls and see where possibilities will take us. There's too much ocean in the way, for one thing, and she didn't brand me as hers clearly enough before she left. My heart broken, but with no formal bill of sale before she fled the store.

So my heart's broken. Congratulations, Billy Boy, you join the ranks of a million, billion other people who've come before you, poets and artists and writers and mailmen and accountants and meter maids and farmers and all the rest. Doesn't make you special...or does it? It's not a very exclusive club, and it doesn't give me right to run off and be a self-absorbed ass (at least, not for any longer than anyone's got that right for a bit at points in their lives), but it's still...a step. A test. Every day's a test, sure, but sometimes you pay attention to certain tests more than others.

It boils down to a question: how do I want to pass this test?

I've loved, and lost, and went rampaging in a brief but colorful dance along the edge of the dark. I find myself glad at times that my vices are wine, women and song...though I'm sure my neighbors are sick of my musical tastes. I am, I think, a courteous drunkard; no public displays of unfortunate affection, no flirtations I regret in the morning, no drunk dialing, no attempting to hit on my best friend just because I'm sauced. (Because, of course, I like to remember when I hit on my best friend.) So while it could all be a whole hell of a lot worse? I'd like to be a little bit better.

I must, therefor, reneg on giving up women, and giving up on the human race. Because I've had reminders the last few days of why I feel the way I do about both, and coupled with that aforementioend introspective haze I've been in I feel like...well. It hurts, it still hurts, but it's not a hurt I regret. I try not to regret even the mistakes.

But this is still the end...the end of the year, and the start of a new one. I don't know that I want to make resolutions, exactly; someone once said that promises were just made to be broken. But...well, let's just say I have bullet points:

I'm grateful, and thankful, and all that mess, for the friends I've made in the three short months I've been up here in wintry exile. Dot, Emi, Anne, and Mikhail get top billing, but they're not the entire roster.
Dot? Special recognition for going above and beyond the call of duty, more than once. I can't make it up, but you know I'd do the same for you without hesitation. Or I hope you know. I even have spots ready to help you hide the bodies.
Thank you, Tanne. Because there were good times.
Yes, I did give Byron the clap and the pox, and I'm fucking PROUD. So there. OMG, ourloveissopure.
I'm not giving up on girls, but I am...well, let's say I'm giving up lust for lent. Yes, even if the closest I come to being Catholic are a few similarities between Krishna and Christ.
Watch this space for geekery of the highest degree, to be announced formally before the semester starts. I'm still reading the books, but...ideas are forming.
The past is the past, and can stay right the fuck there, thanks.

That last one, in particular, I know is harder put into practice than simply said, but...it's a sort of goal to aim for, I think. There are too many ghosts.

Oh, and as a final closing note: I hear there's a party tonight, to celebrate the new year. While I'm not doing my best hermit impression anymore, I'm not quite recovered enough to feel like I'd manage in a crowd. So instead, I'll be hosting a tiny little celebration in MacArthur. If anyone wants to drop in and give a toast, either before or after the main event over at Geoffrey's, feel free. That goes double for you, Dot and Hemi, if you guys make it back in time.

Whatever your choice of venue, whoever you choose to spend it with: have a lovely New Year's Eve, kiss the person you want to kiss at midnight, and may the year to come be fucking spectacular.

PS -- Because I can't help but play DJ for a moment or two, I leave you with appropriate tunes from some boys from Seattle I'm a little fond of.

Death Cab for Cutie, "The New Year"

Letter: Vinny to Bill

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 07:02:12 GMT

(A letter's left on Bill's nightstand the morning of the 27th, sealed with an actual lipstick kiss. Inside, it reads...)

William:

I decided not to take the scholarship. It would be too much of a big shark in a little goldfish bowl for me. Eupheme is yours. You deserve something of your own.

Don't regret last night. I don't.

Vinny.

Broken Patterns

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 19:41:48 GMT

For the last week, I've only come out of my room for classes and rehearsal. Which admittedly is most of my free time around studying anyway, so who knows if anyone's noticed. I'm looking forward to Sunday's final curtain call, because it means I can come back. If there's a cast party planned, I think I'm skipping. If you think I'm showing up at the dance tonight, you're badly hallucinating.

There is no option I appreciate more right now. Either the world is as Hamlet says, and I'm simply haunted in one form of the term or the other? Or it's not paranoia when they really are out to get you, in which case I can't for the LIFE of me think of why. Either way, it makes the bottom fall out of my stomach.

Sometimes, the sinking feeling is realizing that your facade is fooling even the people you care most about, who you thought knew better.

The rest of the time, it's getting incontrovertible proof that you cared more, and you aren't even worth telling that they're not coming back. Because nothing says "I cared about you" like letting you read that you're taking a quick vacation to Italy before your house arrest elsewhere in Europe as an off-hand comment in someone else's journal.

I'd swear off women, but Dot's right. That I couldn't manage. Instead, I'm swearing off the whole god-damn human race. I think I'll take up alcoholism for Winter Break. I have to do something with my time.

Oh, and George? Lesson learned. I just didn't realize your cock was so small you had to overcompensate to that degree. But as they say: knowing is half the battle.

(Dot-Lock) Sauron Says...

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 21:32:55 GMT

(This is locked down to Dot only.)

Had another vision. No drowning or lashes this time. I snuck back here to MacArthur during lunch; had a phone call that completely killed my appetite. The moment my head hit the pillow, there was...an eye. Not flaming, nor stuck at the top of a tower, just an eye. Like someone was inches from my face, staring at me.

Only it wasn't just an eye. There was...as crazy as this sounds (and that's saying something, when all of this sounds insane)...there was a crow, or a raven. I can never tell the difference. But it was -inside- the eye, staring back at me.

What the hell does that mean?

And on a different note...just what did you tell Hem to make him curious?

No Coal for Me

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:45:28 GMT

Because we desperately need some frivolity around here...

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Wednesday I set sam_clemens's puppy on fire (-66 points). In June I pushed on_the_dot in the mud (-17 points). Last Monday I donated bone marrow to el_machiavel in a life-saving procedure (300 points). In January I ruled Duluth, Minnesota as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). In July I stole baroness_blixen's purse (-30 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-513 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!

Sincerely,
b_pendennis

Look out, Duluth, I'm coming for you!

And really, as I look this over, I expect Anne to come and kick my ass any minute.

Trainwreck in the Making, or Silence is Golden

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 23:11:59 GMT

I've never done well with silence. Maybe it gives me too much time to hear what's going on in my own head...though I think that may be a cop-out. I know what's going on inside my head half the time, after all. I like it in there; it's warm, and dark, and a little squishy in the right places, and private. I don't necessarily like what I find, though, which may be closer to the crux of the problem.

That, or maybe I'm simply a dancing fool, always looking for a song cue. Which is a note as good as any other for seguing to the next topic. Namely: I've been crowned king! Come on, not Homecoming, I know that's been a regular topic around here with me, but you've got to keep up. No, I got cast as Charlemagne in this year's production of Pippin. I'm kind of glad I know most of the lyrics already, as we're doing a sort of crash-course in rehearsal-and-production timing. Really, I sort of wonder if this was all planned and meant to be some devious drama department development to see how many of us crack under the pressure. (And for those interested? I'm starting a betting pool. Get in touch, we'll talk.)

There was indeed a Black Friday Turkey-a-thon, with a bigger crowd that I expected. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that I'm not the only one too far out of reach of parents, and that didn't even factor in not wanting to see family. Dot's turkey was divine, and my pumpkin pies didn't turn out half-bad, so I think I'll call it a success.

That was the high point. The week or more since has been a slow, steady descent into less pleasant times. The weekend was shot entirely for reasons I don't want to get into, rehearsal schedule on top of studying and paper schedule is hellish, and plans for this past Friday? Shot down by a combination of bad timing, unavailable train tickets, and an emergency rehearsal. Which means it'll be two weeks after Thanksgiving, at the earliest, before I get a chance to see Neela. She's going to kill me. At least my originally planned travel companion is still up for the trip. We just have to find time for it. And soon. I can't keep putting it off, for a thousand reasons.

It's been an interesting scattershot of social time across the rest of the week. There was the study break that turned into no study at all, there was some unexpected comfort offered on THanksgiving, there was a bit of chatting about my impending madness, and then? I met someone old who's new again, and I think scared them off. Which was a shame, since she was fun to talk to. Actually, most of the scattershot was up rather than down, just...not peaking above the general downward trend.

Which leads me to my second awkward admission of the day: I don't understand people. Women in particular, but I think that may just be because I pay attention to them more than the men. Most men, after all, are still struggling to rise above the level of barbarians. And I include myself in that assessment.

I don't understand why it's been radio silence for so long. Is it that hard to say "we're over", if that's what you've decided? Or...Krishna, I don't know. You don't want to know how many disasterous possibilities have rotated through my head in the last week.

Unfortunately, there is no excuse when it comes to me. I understand me. I know exactly why I react the way I do, most of the time. But that doesn't make me happy about it, or proud, or...anything terribly positive. Blushing women of the world, lured in by my easy smile and my admittedly charming banter? Get away while you still can. Just trust me on this one. I'll miss you, but it may blow up less in all our faces.