Snowbound and Irate

Yeah, I'm know, I'm no chatty Cathy. What can I say? Things have either been boring or busy, with no room in between. Christmas vacation alone in the dorm? Boring. Classes since vacation ended? Busy. Tack on getting cast in the part I was trying out for (insert a little 'woot!' here), a dash of lousy timing, and the roommate waking up out of his coma, and I'm so swamped I've barely seen Dot (who I still owe the second half of her Christmas present. My I'm a lousy boyfriend these days -- note to self, send flowers), much less anyone else. So if you're not Dot, don't think you're special enough to trump her in line in "need to catch up with." If you are Dot, you can sock me in the nose if need be, and otherwise collect your grovelling (and gift) at the time and place of your choosing. I mean, you go cross-country and get a tan line? I should be more appreciative. Of course, after the first half of your Christmas present, you may just be too damn embarrassed to be seen with me in public or private.

Okay, probably too close to TMI. Back to the grindstone, the collective "you" know where to find me if you need me.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck and fuck.

I hate them. I hate this, but I hate them more. Nice bombshell for the holidays. Merry Christmas, we're getting divorced! Oh, and neither of us is planning to come back to the States anytime soon, so as long as the lawyers don't eat all the money you'll get to keep taking care of your sister. Jesus Christ, right now I'm almost glad she doesn't know what's going on, so she doesn't have to deal with this.

All right. Deep breaths. Logically, unemotionally? I love my parents. Both of them. And if they're not happy together, then yes, please, split the hell up. I suppose I should be glad of a few things. For one, they're at least claiming it's amicable. I don't know how much of that to believe, and it's not like I can see them in person right now to judge for myself, but if it's less fighting, less money wasted in court fights, and most importantly no bullshit attempts to use their children as bargaining chips or weapons against each other? I'll go with it as a bonus.

Maybe I should be more grateful that this is happening after I'm no longer a minor. There's no custody of me to cope with, and it's not like either of them is going to fight over Neela. Though I swear, either of them even thinks about getting out of their responsibilities there and I'll break someone's nose.

Here, I was thinking Christmas actually went well. I mean, I got Dot's 'forgive me for the real present taking too much time' present done in time, the trip to Boston was uneventful, Neela looked good, and nothing blew up. I should know better by now than to trust a holiday.

This is the worst part of it all, I think. The ground's knocked out from under me, and there's no one to throw out a line. Hemi may be out of his coma, but he's still not what I'd call a friend I feel like I can lean on. I don't even know why the hell I told him about Neela, except that it distracted from the bigger looming issues. Well, and after watching a guy in a coma for weeks I admit there's a certain level of bonding. Just...not that deep. I try contacting anyone at home, and Little Miss Stalker is going to make her move I'm just sure. And while I've got other people I'm friendly with, other friends, the list of people I know well enough to start unloading this shit on? Not so long.

Side freak-out: I'm really not sure I'm going to have a home after this. They're not planning to come back. Hence, there's no real need for a house in Miami, now is there? If my Spring Break involves having to drive down to there save my stuff, I may cry.

So...groundless. Except for Dot. Except I'm not so oblivious as to not realize she's got serious issues of her own, on the family front, that I haven't won 'full disclosure' on. And I can't blame her, entirely; we've been going out for just a few months, not everyone trusts at the same rate, and...fuck, I'm the poster child for 'trusting too much too early gets you third degree burns and the need for a restraining order'. And let's be honest: I'm afraid if I dump too much at once, I'm going to fall apart, and she's going to run screaming and rightfully so from the basket case.

Maybe it'd be easier if Hemi hadn't gotten his stupid ass in an accident on Thanksgiving and we could have made it to Boston as planned, but hitting her with Neela and divorcing parents and hence my emotional landslide all at once? I couldn't do it when she was out in California, that's for damn sure. That's really just...not a conversation I wanted to have over the phone, for starters. Hell, more than that, I didn't want to ruin her vacation. What the hell could she have done, anyway, but worry or be distracted by my bullshit when three thousand miles away? And now that we're back, there's...I don't know. Timing sucks, there's rehearsal, getting into new classes, and just...bad luck on the actually 'connecting' front. I still have to give her her proper Christmas present, and the last thing I want to do is couple it with a load of my emotional baggage. Can't win either way, can I?

Fuck. I need a drink.